


Bump In The Night

by Kliegology



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Five Knows, He Always Knows, Kliego week, M/M, No Apocalypse, Secret Relationship, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-03-05 14:39:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18830704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kliegology/pseuds/Kliegology
Summary: “Um…” Luther rubbed a hand against the back of his own neck. “No. I mean, you and Diego go in separate rooms.”“Why would we do that?” Diego interjected. He’d arrived back at the table while everyone’s eyes were on Klaus. He sat on the bench next to him and clapped him playfully around the head. “Someone’s got to keep an eye on him.”“Yeah… not that close an eye,” Five said.





	1. Worse Places

**Author's Note:**

> Just a short, slightly silly one. Enjoy!

Spirits were already low when Luther pushed open the door to the first cramped motel room. Gathered around the doorway, the group issued a collective sigh as they took in the box-like room. The walls were stained yellow with nicotine, the net curtains spotted with mould from years of condensation. A threadbare sofa sat beneath them and directly opposite lay a distinctly lumpy looking double bed. Dust motes floated in the air before them, and a pungent smell of disinfectant tinged with cigarette smoke assailed the senses.

Klaus sneezed dramatically, throwing his arms up to shield his face as he plunged forth into the room. “Well,” he declared brightly, “I’ve stayed in worse places than this.”

He dropped his sequinned backpack on the stained, beige carpet and flung himself on the bed. The sound of twanging bed springs filled the small space. Klaus spread himself out into a starfish shape and smiled dreamily at the ceiling.

“You expect us to stay in this dump?” Diego demanded, dragging his eyes away from Klaus as he rounded on Luther, fists clenched.

“Reminds me of the apocalypse,” Five said, pushing between his two glaring brothers as he followed Klaus into the room. He looked around critically. “Only slightly less comfortable.”

"This isn’t my room, right?" Allison enquired hopefully, clinging on to the strap of her shoulder bag. She was yet to place a foot across the threshold.

“Uh,” Luther shuffled his feet, turning away from Diego to shoot her an apologetic look. “Well, I thought… you, me and Vanya in this one? I’ll take the sofa bed. And then the others next door?”

A stunned silence followed this announcement, broken only by the sound of a fly buzzing determinedly against the glass pane of the window. Diego seemed to have forgotten his fury in favour of pure astonishment. His mouth had literally dropped.

“Slumber party,” Klaus hooted joyfully, bouncing up from the bed amid another cacophony of creaking springs. “I’m calling dibs on our bed.”

“We’re sharing?” Vanya, asked, trailing in with arms loaded with grocery bags. She looked around with an impressively neutral expression, setting the paper bags down in what little free space there was. “I guess it’ll be safer that way…”

“Exactly,” Luther clapped her on the back a little too forcefully, sending her tripping over the shopping. He winced and reached out a hand immediately to steady her. “They only had two double rooms left, but I think we’re better off in groups. In case we get attacked, y’know.”

“Yes, well,” Five said, picking up his bag. “I’ll sleep in the car.”

“Not so fast, little man,” Klaus had already begun gathering a selection of the grocery bags from the floor. He rifled through their contents, removing a bunch of bananas in favour of a large bag of Cheetos. “You might need our protection. Come on team.”

He took the second key from Luther’s hand and hooked a finger through Diego’s knife holster in order to pull him insistently towards the door. Diego followed with a great show of reluctance, pausing to glower at Luther before he was tugged out of the room.

“You do need to stick together,” Luther agreed, avoiding Five’s eye as he began wrestling with the ancient sofa bed. The hinges of the folding mechanism groaned in protest as he attempted to wrestle it into shape.

“I’m not sharing with _them_ ,” Five hissed, looking scandalised. His eyes darted to the door from which their brothers had just departed. “You should split them up. Put me and Vanya with Diego.”

Vanya sat down pointedly on the bed and began removing her sneakers.

“Diego’s best at keeping an eye on Klaus,” Luther said. “What’s the issue?”

“I think it’s the double bed,” Allison interjected helpfully. She had moved resignedly into the room and was trailing a finger through the thick dust that coated the top of the boxy little television.

“Oh,” Luther rolled his eyes, as if Five were being extraordinarily childish. “You should have just said. I’m sure they’ll let you have the sofa.”

“Oh, I’ve got no doubt about that,” Five said. Turning on his heel, he left the room with a face like thunder.

Allison and Vanya exchanged a smirk and Luther rounded on them, throwing his arms wide in a bewildered shrug.

"Am I missing something?" He demanded. 

 

…

 

Luther shifted on the sofa in the darkened room, attempting to force his limbs into a position approaching comfortable. He blinked furiously, forcing himself to keep his eyes open. From the bed came the sound of soft breathing, where the girls lay sleeping. Allison’s head was turned towards him and from the glow of a security light outside the motel room door he could just make out the curve of her cheekbone and the soft curls of her hair. Ears strained, he listened for the sounds of tyres scraping against the gravel outside. For the soft padding of footsteps. For the click of a gun.

A sudden flash of blue light sent him rocketing up from his reclined position.

“Fuck,” he bellowed, stumbling over twisted sheets as his hand scrambled for the gun he’d stashed under the sofa cushions.

“Put that down,” said Five, having materialised in the centre of the room. “You look ridiculous.”

“What’s going on?” Vanya asked, now sitting bolt upright in bed. She reached for the bedside lamped and flicked it on, filling the room with a soft orange glow.

Allison opened half an eye and groaned at the sight of Five in his blue and white striped pyjamas. She rolled away to face the wall and pulled a pillow over her head.

“What’s up?” Luther questioned sharply, already pulling jeans on over his boxer shorts.

“I should _not_ have taken the sofa,” Five replied enigmatically. He sat down gingerly on the edge of the bed and looked around the room, purposefully avoiding his brother’s eye. “Any chance of a cup of coffee?”

“Its two in the morning,” Vanya pointed out, suppressing a yawn. Her hair was sticking up on one side and her eyes were blurred from sleep. “Why are you here?”

Five rolled his eyes, his flushing cheeks belying the look of bored irritation on his face. He bit his lip and examined his fingernails in apparent fascination. “I heard noises.”

“Is someone here?” Luther asked, still gripping the gun in his right hand. He glanced from the girls to Five in confusion. “Have they found us?”

"With no disrespect," Five said, "if they had found us, I wouldn’t be wasting time chatting to you, Luther."

Allison issued a heavy sigh, giving up on sleep as she forced herself into a seated position on the bed. She pulled the sheets up to her neck and glowered at Five. “What do you mean, you heard noises?”

“Moaning,” Five replied, coolly, “from the bed.”

A heavy silence descended on the room.

“So, Klaus was having one of his nightmares,” Luther shrugged. “I don’t see why we should all have to wake up because of it.”

Five rested his head in his hands and began kneading at his temples. “It wasn’t that kind of moaning.”

“You owe me five bucks,” Vanya announced conversationally, punching Allison lightly on the shoulder.

“Wait, what?” Luther said.

“Moaning,” Five repeated impatiently. “Whispering… giggling.” He shuddered.

Luther chuckled and shook his head. “Don’t be ridiculous, Five. You’re imagining things.”

Five regarded him with an expression of absolute disdain. "The day I start imagining Diego and Klaus shagging,” he began, “is the day I will voluntarily re-join the commission, kick start the apocalypse and see out the end of the world with one of Dolores’s famous margaritas-”

His tirade was cut short by the dull thudding sound of a heavy object being repeatedly pushed into a hard surface.

In unison, the four of them turned fearfully to the wall separating their two motel rooms.

“Told you so,” Five said, as the muffled thudding sound was broken by a low groan. He glanced at his watch as if wishing away the hours until morning. “Looks like they’ve noticed I’ve gone.”

“Fucking hell.” Luther clamped his hands hurriedly over his ears, wincing at the sounds now reverberating through the paper-thin wall. “You should have stayed there.”

Five spluttered in outrage, turning a bright shade of crimson. He opened and closed his mouth repeatedly, struggling to form words. “Did that transformation addle with your brain as well as your body?” he eventually managed to ask.

In the bed, Vanya and Allison had both dissolved into giggles, hands pressed over their ears.

Another loud moan came from next door, followed by the sound of Diego cursing repeatedly and then another muffled thud as the headboard hit the wall.

“Anyway,” Five said, raising his voice in an attempt to drown out the sound. He straightened the front of his pyjama shirt and headed towards the door. “I spotted an all-night diner across the road. Anyone care to join me?”

The sound of Diego’s grunts had been joined by a high-pitched whimpering noise. The bed frame hit the wall again, with enough force to cause dust to descend from the ceiling.

Vanya and Allison scrambled out from the bed, pulling jumpers and shoes on over their nightwear.

“I wouldn’t actually say no to that coffee,” Vanya said, almost falling over in her haste to push past Five and head out of the door.

“But…” Luther gripped Five’s wrist as the two girls fled past them, into the neon-lit carpark. He gestured hopefully at the wall separating the two rooms. “We can’t just leave them. What if someone finds them while we’re gone?”

“Oh believe me,” Five patted him reassuringly on one huge shoulder as he handed him his hoodie from the hook by the door. “Even the commission’s best agents wouldn’t be brave enough to get in the way of _that_.”


	2. The Other Thing

Luther, Allison, Vanya and Five had been in the diner since shortly after two AM. Five has begun his sixth consecutive coffee and dark circles had formed under his eyes. Luther shot him a concerned look. The boy’s eyes were beginning to twitch, his fingers tapping compulsively on the sticky, plastic table top. Allison and Vanya had both fallen asleep, mirroring each other on opposite sides of the booth, heads resting against the glass of the window. The sun was beginning to rise over the horizon, casting everything in golden light. From his position next to Allison, Luther could keep an eye on the motel parking lot across the road. He sat up a little straighter each time a car passed by, before relaxing back into his exhausted slump against the squeaky leather bench. Klaus and Diego sauntered into view shortly after six AM, and Luther regarded them with narrowed eyes as they crossed over to the diner.

Klaus had one arm slung around Diego’s neck and appeared to be talking non-stop into his ear, somehow managing to walk alongside him without paying the slightest attention to where they were going. Diego shrugged him off as they drew closer, nodding to where the others were sat in the window.

Luther cleared his throat as the bell above the door sounded, and the girls stirred awake as the two men walked in. Klaus waved excitedly, nearly knocking over the waitress as he bounced over to the table. He had paired his usual lace-up leather pants with one of Diego’s jumpers, which hung a little loose around his shoulders. A line of rich, purple bruises were just visible below the neckline. He threw himself down on the bench next to Five, who edged away towards Vanya.

“Morning,” Klaus said, drawing out the vowels in a sing-song voice. He flung his arm around Five. “Glad to see _you_ here, little one. Don’t think we didn’t notice you sneaking off in the middle of the night. We were worried.” 

“Yes,” Five said stiffly, lifting the man’s arm off his shoulders and dropping it back in his own lap. “You really sounded it.”

Diego slumped down on the bench next to Luther, directly opposite Klaus. His hair was sticking out in all different directions, and he had rings almost as dark as Five’s under his eyes. He yawned deeply and picked up a knife to twirl through his fingers, not bothering to greet the others.

“I can’t believe you all came for breakfast without us.” Klaus continued, pouting. “You should have knocked. Have you ordered yet? I hope they do waffles. I want waffles with bacon and maple syrup. Oh, and whipped cream. Has anyone seen the menu?”

He paused and glanced around.

“Why is everyone so quiet?”

Diego glanced up from examining the knife, eyes flicking from Klaus to the others around the table. Their four siblings were staring at them both in disbelief. “What?” he shrugged.

“You do know we could hear-” Luther began, only to be cut off with a grunt of pain as Allison stamped down on his foot beneath the table.

“Nothing,” Vanya interjected. She smiled weakly, pushing her half empty coffee cup towards Five, who had been eyeing it hopefully. “Let’s order.”

 

... 

 

“I’ve never slept so well,” Klaus announced happily, once he had half-demolished his plate of waffles. He reached over the table to steal a hash brown from Diego’s plate.

“Should hope so,” Diego grumbled at him, watching him over the top of his cup of coffee. “You had all the covers for most of the night.”

Klaus’s eyes widened in feigned hurt. He pouted. “But you’re like a furnace. You don’t need covers.”

“I guess you needed them more than I did,” Diego said, pushing his plate away as he made to stand up. “Your feet are like blocks of ice.”

“Jesus,” Five hissed, setting his knife and fork down as Diego strolled away towards the restroom. “It’s only been one night, and they’re like an old married couple.”

“Hm?,” Klaus turned to face him, dragging his eyes away from Diego’s behind. He happily rolled up the last of his waffle and dunked it in syrup before shovelling it into his mouth. “What did you say?” 

“We know what you and Diego… uh… did,” Luther said. He had been aiming for a gentle voice, but ended up just sounding deeply uncomfortable.

“Oh, shoot,” Klaus’s eyebrows shot up. He swallowed the last of his waffle with a loud gulp, looking utterly scandalised. “We didn’t think you’d notice. I mean, you don’t even like Cheetos, Luther. And there were only five bags altogether, so we thought, if we took three- _fine-_ _four_ of them then it actually worked out fair, y’know?”

He batted his eyelashes and looked hopefully at Vanya for support.

“The other thing, Klaus,” Vanya said.

“Oh,” Klaus stilled, his hopeful smile slipping from his face. He glanced over at the restroom door to check Diego hadn’t returned. “ _That_ thing.”

 “So I think we should switch room groups in the motel tonight,” Luther battled on, desperate to bring a level of pragmatism back into the discussion. “We really need our sleep.”

 “Sure, sure,” Klaus said, eyes darting around the diner as he avoided everyone’s gaze. “Five can bunk with you guys.”

 “Um…” Luther rubbed a hand against the back of his own neck. “No. I mean, you and Diego go in separate rooms.”

“Why would we do that?” Diego interjected. He’d arrived back at the table while everyone’s eyes were on Klaus. He sat on the bench next to him and clapped him playfully around the head. “Someone’s got to keep an eye on him.”

“Yeah… not _that_ close an eye,” Five said.

Klaus made a mortified squeaking noise and dropped his head, face down, onto the table. He buried his hands in his hair, and stayed there, unmoving.

Diego’s eyes followed his movement, a look of dawning comprehension of his face. He cleared his throat.

 “We heard you last night,” Luther told him, watching the man’s cheeks colour.

“Look…” he started slowly. He had picked up a knife again and was toying with the handle compulsively. “I don’t know what you heard. But it’s not what you think.” 

“Moaning,” Five interjected helpfully. 

Diego glowered at him. “Yeah, so? Klaus had a nightmare.”

“Whimpering, cursing, the list goes on.”

“Yeah,” Diego said stubbornly. “Nightmare.” 

“It was you doing the cursing,” Luther pointed out.

Diego’s right hand had formed a tight fist around the knife. He turned his scowl on Luther as he ground the blunt edge of the handle down into the table. “So I was _worried_ about him.”

“Klaus has already admitted it, Diego,” Allison told him gently. She shot Luther a reproachful look as she spoke, clearly thinking the whole topic should have been left well alone. 

Diego opened and then closed his mouth before rolling his eyes and setting the knife down. He reached out a hand and lifted Klaus’s chin from the table in order to meet his eye. There was a moment of absolute silence as the two communicated wordlessly.

“I know, I know,” Klaus whined, finally, “but they cornered me.”

“Fine,” Diego sighed. He downed the last of his coffee and fixed Luther with a steady gaze. “We’re fucking. I don’t see how it’s any different to you and Allison.”

“Oh, wow,” Five said. “So dad never did get round to sex-ed then, huh?”

Luther groaned and rested his head in his hands. “ _I_ was on the _sofa_ ,” he said. “Anyway, me and Allison haven’t… we’re not… it’s…”

He trailed off as Allison stamped on his foot again

“They’re not shagging yet,” Klaus filled in for everyone, the corners of his mouth twitching. He seemed to have regained some of his usual exuberance since Diego’s admission. He turned his wide green eyes on Luther and pouted sympathetically. “Seems like someone’s a little jealous.”

Diego smirked and stood up, pulling Klaus up to stand at his side. “Alright, discussion over. Should we get on with the job now?”

 “Yes, please let’s,” Vanya said. She was nearly as red in the face as Diego, and had been folding her napkin compulsively for the last five minutes. It was now the size of a postage stamp.

There was a moment’s awkward pause, until Diego stuck his chin out defiantly and tapped his watch. Then, a sudden hum of activity as they stood up in unison, pushing away their plates and pulling on coats. 

“Alright,” Luther nodded, tugging his hoodie on over his head as he extracted himself from the too-tight space between the table and the bench. He was relieved to be getting moving again. If it had been up to him the whole conversation would have taken place with absolutely no eye contact. “But we still haven’t decided who’s sleeping where tonight.” 

“Same rooms,” Diego said briskly, “Five can have the bed, I’ll take the sofa.” He turned and marched away across the diner floor.

 “I’m still not happy about this,” Five muttered, hanging back to finish the last of everyone’s coffee.

 Klaus smiled at him apologetically and hurried to catch up with Diego, pushing past Luther as he went.

He pulled on Diego’s sleeve as they reached the door, squeezing through at the same time, hip to hip, in order to mutter in his ear. “I’m on the sofa too, right?” 

Diego flung an arm around his shoulders and grinned. “Damn right you are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Say hi on Tumblr! @Kliegology


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